June 15, 2004
Los Angeles Daily News
By Bridget Johnson
As a daily 405-101 commuter and native Angeleno, I have a deep, abiding respect for that which is the freeway, with its expanse of asphalt and Caltrans signs -- accented with festive, barbed-wire coils -- that show you the way in life. People chastize the freeway when they languish in a SigAlert, and don't fully appreciate the chance this venue gives you to bond with your vehicular neighbors.
If you think this sentiment is just a lot of blowing exhaust, if you don't embrace the freeway for being as "L.A." as a Johnnie's pastrami, so be it. But please show your love for fellow Angelenos by respecting basic freeway etiquette next time you hit the road.
The looky-loo: Say there's an accident on the right shoulder of the southbound San Diego Freeway in Culver City. The innocent victims of the SigAlert will be backed up to Getty Center. But you'd never know by driving northbound which side of the road the accident is on, as you're going 5 mph in Inglewood.
You have fallen victim to the looky-loo. And as you approach the accident site, you many feel the urge to slow and look, too, before hitting the gas. Resist.
Remember, you've seen fender benders before. You've seen many episodes of "CHiPs." You don't need to look for blood. Tire changes are boring. A tow truck is not a tourist attraction. You can be part of the solution by refusing to look, by driving ahead at a normal speed and setting a positive example for the commuters of tomorrow. Drive, for the love of God.
The dangling foot: A car cruises along with the ultra-relaxed passenger propping his or her calf on the windowsill, foot dangling like a dog's head in the breeze. Not only does this person heighten the risk of losing that foot, we don't need any more contributions to our ailing air quality.
The eternal blinker: People, don't you notice the persistent flashing arrow on the dashboard? Click, click, click. Hypnotic, isn't it? You are driving the poor suckers around you crazy. Does the eternal blinker mean you have a subconscious urge to get in the next lane, but don't know it yet? This driver moves blithely ahead, blissfully unaware of the flashing nuisance he or she has created.
No cuts, no butts, no interrupts: We all know that the 405-101 interchange is about as fun as waxing. But it must be done, and we must wait our turn in line before we can let it rip.
Then comes that driver, zipping along in the Ventura Boulevard "exit only" lane, who zooms to the front of the line, jerks the wheel and wedges his car in just before the off-ramp. Don't try and fool us by claiming ignorance of the lane's Ventura Boulevard-only designation. You didn't change your mind about getting off at Ventura. You're a cheat. Cheaters violate all that is sacred about the freeway.
The RV in the fast lane: After Mayor James Hahn gets done with his airport renovations, he should seriously consider trapdoors on the 405 that will automatically suck under these heinous roadblocks. All of L.A. would support this. In fact, this would be an excellent election-year issue.
The single in the car-pool lane: Did it ever occur to anyone that if this was subject to greater enforcement, we could reap the fines and solve the state budget crisis? An ego the size of two people does not make one eligible for the car-pool lane. Bust 'em.
The hesitant on-ramp mergers: These are the people afraid of taking that first necessary step in life -- namely, that acceleration from the on-ramp into the flow of ordinary traffic. These drivers cling to the shoulder in utter fear of the dreaded merge. Once they finally get the chutzpah to get with the flow, witness them clinging white-knuckled to the steering wheel, confining themselves to the slow lane. With every passing exit, new fraidy-cat mergers amble up the on-ramp, meeting these other hesitant drivers and reducing the flow of the freeway to that of a river choked with dead fish.
Be brave, fellow Angelenos, and tackle the lanes with the greatest of ease. But remember your freeway etiquette, keep that middle finger in the locked and downright position, and just go around slower drivers instead of tailgating and obnoxiously flashing your high beams.
What goes around comes around at the next on-ramp.
COPYRIGHT 2004 LOS ANGELES DAILY NEWS
(For information about reproducing this article in full or in part, e-mail bridget@bridgetjohnson.org.)
